I’ve been sat here an hour already trying to start this post. It’s a hard one for me to talk about as its a topic that has played a part through out most of my life. I’m not even sure what made me want to write a post on it, maybe the fact that I’ve noticed it being in the back of my mind again lately or the fact I’m finally accepting that it’s a problem I have. But I want you to know that it’s okay to talk about these things, in fact it’s very important to talk about these things. So, with that being said let talk about body confidence.
I know I’m not the only one that suffers from varying rates of body confidence. For the most part now I like my body, it’s healthy and it keeps me alive everyday. I’m in a very happy place in my life, the best I’ve ever been mentally and therefore that has given me lots of confidence in my body. But it hasn’t always been so easy and I still struggle a lot with how I think I should look. I think I’ll split this in the three sections…
In previous years, how my body looked and controlling how it looked consumed 90% of my time, effort and thoughts. The word control is key here. Because although a lot of the habits I had were to keep me thin looks wise, more often then not it was about having something to control, mainly because at the time I wasn’t in control of much else that was going on in my life. I still find it hard to talk about this so I’ll keep it vague but I think a major misconception of eating disorders is that sufferers want to lose weight for vanity reasons. How ever it’s more about controlling something and the fact you lose weight is more just proof of how in control or not you are. Certain habits start to creep in such as calorie counting, weighing yourself and becoming very picky about food you eat, all things I experienced. Of course this isn’t everyones experience and you can have body confidence issues with out developing these habits.
But as a whole I think body confidence is an inner feeling, an ora maybe? I weigh the most I’ve ever weighed in my life right now but I’m the happiest I’ve ever been overall.
My relationship with my body has changed so much over the years. I used to be very harsh on it, not value what it was doing for me everyday. I have so much more respect for my body now. And although sometimes I still get upset that I’m not 2 stone lighter anymore and I have a little tummy on me and my thighs are a bit wobbly, all these things mean I’m eating three meals a day and I’m healthy. I’m not overweight or putting bad foods in to my body, the weight I’ve gained is purely from eating well. I’m a healthy weight for my body type now but I still sometimes think ‘I wish I was 6 stone again, I wish I hadn’t put this weight on’. But really I’m glad I have because it means I’m not poorly anymore, despite still sometimes thinking those thoughts, I don’t act upon them and that’s a big step forward.
I hope I can carry on thinking positively about my body and doing things to keep healthy. I truly believe positive thoughts create positive actions so I want to keep that up. I want to find peace with the fine line between saying ‘it’s okay I’ve put weight on’ with out completely not caring and becoming unhealthy. It’s a work in progress but we’ll get there. I still control what I eat in a sense, such as only having two squares of chocolate a day and making sure I have 5 fruit and veg a day, but those are good controls to have in place I think. It’s a journey that’s not over yet.
The current conversation on body positivity:
Body positivity has been a big buzz phrase recently. I feel a bit on the fence with how some people deal with it. They have good intentions but can end up doing the opposite and putting people down. For example, I’ve tried talking about my feelings towards by body before and just been told ‘you should love yourself more, no one cares how you look’. Well, maybe not everyone has progressed that far yet, maybe not everyone is ready to love themselves yet? And who mentioned how other people perceive my body, I was talking about how I perceive it. Not everyone is there yet and that’s okay because it’s a personal journey. Another example is Kim Kardashian West coming out with body make up, something she said she uses to cover her psoriasis. She received back lash for creating a product that covers up ‘imperfections’ however if covering up her psoriasis is what makes her feel confident then can’t we just be happy that she’s found confidence in herself at all! Some people aren’t ready to show of something like that yet and if covering it up for now is what gives them the confidence to love themselves more then I’m all for it. Hopefully one day they won’t feel the need to cover it up but until then whip out what ever it is that makes you feel better!
Please let me know your thoughts on body confidence and any tips that have helped you. Let’s getting talking about this topic and help each other!